"On and on
Like we're living on a broken record
Hope is strong
But misery's a little quicker
Sit and we wait and we drown there
Thinking why I bother playing when it's unfair
They say life's a waste
I say they lack believe
They tell me luck will travel
I tell them that's why I've got feet
Left, right
Left, right
Moving along, just the pulse of a heartbeat
This could be the last chance you have to fly
Do you like the ground?
Want it to pass you by?
Then you had it all
When you were just a kid
Do you even remember who you were back then?
What do you want in life?
Would you be twice as strong?
What would you sacrifice?
What are you waiting on?
Don't stop
March on"
- Paradise Fears, "Battle Scars"
My favorite band, Paradise Fears, wrote the lyrics above in one of their songs called "Battle Scars", as you can probably guess. From the moment I heard this song, it stuck with me. It even inspired my first tattoo. It's about not being afraid to hurt, because you're not alone. Everyone struggles. Nobody is perfect. And I've related more and more to this song recently.
Over the past few months, I realized that I have anxiety. And I even experienced my first major panic attack, which I didn't realize what it was until one of my roommate's pointed it out, who also struggles with major anxiety. I always chalked it up to just stress. But that's not what it was at all. And my way of dealing was just push it down and ignore it. That was until I learned to recognize it for what it was, and recognized that I'm not the only one who experiences it.
Yesterday was National Mental Health Day. It was a day when I reflected on the ups and downs of my mental health. I reflected on seeing and helping my friends and family get through hard mental struggles. But I actually have been thinking about my mental health, personally, more than just yesterday; it's been happening going on a lot in the past month.
It started when Shawn Mendes came out with his new song "In My Blood". The song starts out like, "Help me. It's like the walls are caving in. Sometimes I feel like giving up, but I just can't. It isn't in my blood." I related to those lyrics more than I realized. At the time, that's how I was feeling in my current situation. I couldn't explain it much. I just felt like everything was caving in on me all at once, while I was trying to balance everything and try to please everyone else around me. And at this time, I only made my feelings known, to an extent, to a few people. (Until I exploded online, and had to immediately delete a former post that a couple of you may have seen before I took it down.) Let's just say, I wasn't in the best mental health.
But I'm finally starting to feel more like me again. I'm in a good state of mind. And I can tell the difference in how I'm treating others as well.
So how did I cope with my stress and anxiety when I was in my this bad place? I actually did a couple of things. First, I listened to music on Spotify. Oddly enough, my go-to calm down music is All Time Low. Don't ask me why that calms me down so well! Secondly, I went to God. As cheesy as it may sound, I would pray, and sometime scream in my head, for God to take the anxiety away and put me in a better mood. Both of these helped in their own way.
Back to the quote at the beginning of this post, I think that it's important to touch upon why it's okay to not be okay. Obviously, it's true that you should always try to be in a great mood mentally and emotionally. But it's okay to have hard times. After all, the "battle scars" are what make us who we are. If you get a chance, I encourage you to listen to the song, and the entire album in fact.
If you struggle with mental health in any way (i.e. stress, anxiety, depression, bipolar, etc.), just know that you aren't alone. Someone else could be struggling with the same thing, just maybe in a different way. It's okay to talk to someone. Don't ever think that you're a burden! I'm here to talk if you need to talk. So here's to a happy belated national mental health day. And here's to accepting yourself for all of your good and bad days.
Live for God & Love for Music!
- Patience 💙😊
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