Change is Good!

     This morning I was listening to the podcast "Pretty Basic", which is a lifestyle podcast by Alisha Marie and Remi Ashten. The topic was about being yourself and recognizing how far you've come. Remi was talking about how she is a people pleaser and is someone who needs closure on friendships, but she also still has love for the people in her past, if it were a true friendship or relationship. If you know me, you'll know this is EXACTLY how I am. 

    I am that friend who will try to milk a friendship until it's dead, and even then I stilll try to make things work. But as I was listening to this, I was watching some snapchat stories and looking at instagram posts from old friends that I used to hang out within the past year. For a second I was sad about how much I missed them and how I at one time called them all close friends. And there was no hatred in my heart for these people. They even said in the podcast that there was a reason why things fizzled out, but it doesn't mean either side is in the wrong. 

     In the podcast, they also talked about the change that they had went through in just the past 6 months. And in that, they became more themselves and less of what others wanted them to be. That, once again, struck a chord with me. I was looking back at the past missing it, but I'm in a better spot all the way around. 

     The person I was last year was filled with worry, stress, anxiety, anger, resentment, and jealousy for the life I saw others having. And today, while I'm not 100% the person who has it all figured out, I've come into who I am a bit more. I'm not worried about trying to fit in as much or feeling the need to go out, even though I don't have the money. I'm working hard for my money and keeping the old anxiety at bay as much as I can. 

      At the beginning of 2018, I was sad and lonely, and I was trying to fit in with groups of people who were only surface-level friendships, which I didn't realize until I was out of the situation. There were only a few people that I could say that I knew any personal things about and had an interest in their lives. Those were the people I can honestly say I wish I hung out with more. They brought out a side of me that is closer to who I actually am. And now I look at the people that I still keep in contact with, and they are the people who cheer me on and I cheer them on. We're not fake with each other. We wanna know how the other is doing. Maybe we don't hang out as much as we want to, but we're working on it. 

      The next step in my journey is too look forward. To work on the friendships I've made, new and old. I'm thankful for what life has given me thus far, but as I've said a thousand times by now, I'm happy where I'm at. My career is on the uprise, and I'm focusing on myself as much as possible.

       So if you're currently in my life and I can call you a friend, THANK YOU! I love you all for being there for me and for encouraging me to be the best person I can be.