Anyone who knows me knows that I tend to stress out very easily. I worry way too much and get all worked up, to the point that it's all I can think about at times. Well, this new job is no different. I start my new job at Conduent, as a call center sales rep, tomorrow (well probably today once you read this). And the stress is no different this time. I can barely sleep. My anxiety is spiking. It's all I can think about. It's all I can talk about. I'm overthinking every little thing, even though I know it's just training and everything will be fine.
Here's the biggest problem: It's the first time I'm working a full-time big girl job. It's not like Kohl's where I can basically wear some semi-business casual clothes and half-hazardly do my job. No, if I mess up, I could mess up everything. And I'm not saying Kohl's is super easy and I can do anything, because trust me it can be difficult and there's several rules, but it's the most relaxed job I've had. But this has a lot of stipulations and hurdles to jump over to get to a point of even feeling comfortable.
Another reason why I might be stressed, though, is because I'm not only starting the new job, but I'm also gonna try to balance that with staying at Kohl's a few hours a week, trying to sub once every few weeks at the school, and go to church on Sundays, plus have a life as well. I'm going from 14-23 hours a week, with maybe one school job, to up to 40 hours a week for 5 days a week and working at either/and subbing on one of my days off from Conduent. Which leaves Sunday as my only possible day off, depending how my training and shift pick at the end of training turns out.
I realize it's a lot to take on, and I'm doing this to myself, but I know it's a change that needs to be done in order to pay for my bills and start saving for bigger adventures. And if worse comes to worse and I hate it, it's only temporary until I get a full-time job. But I don't plan on hating it. It's just that the though of it right now is stressing me out until I get there. It happens every time I make a big change in my life. I stress talk, eat only a little at a time, overthink every detail, quadruple check everything beforehand, cry a bit from too much stress on myself, have a huge chat with God in my room, listen to music afterwards to continue to calm myself down, and then eventually fall asleep. Then, I get there and everything isn't as scary as I once thought. Let's just hope things end the same way. But honestly, I'm starting to feel better just typing out my feelings out.
Ugh! I hate change! There. I got it off my chest. Now time to head to bed and rest up before going in. Wish me luck!
Live for God & Love for Music!
-Patience 💙😊
