This is what happened when I got an invite to a Facebook group for my 10 year high school reunion (well 10 years in May 2021). I looked at all the posts and who I was and wasn't Facebook friends with. I was seeing who had kids, who was married, who was engaged, where was everyone at now, etc. And it became this unhealthy situation when I started seeing that I was one of the few people not dating/married, no kids, and was still working in a retail job even though I have a Bachelor's Degree in elementary education.
So what things did I start thinking??? Glad you asked!
- "I'm such a loser! I can't show up to my reunion single!"
- "HE/SHE'S MARRIED?! AND THEY HAVE KIDS?! What am I doing wrong?!"
- "______ is a nurse. I'm still at Target barely making enough income to pay my debts. I should've tried harder for a teaching job."
- "_____ and _____ are still friends. I want to be friends with them! Their lives look way cooler than mine."
- ...and many other false thoughts.
Like I said, it's not healthy. And I know deep in my soul that I am where I am today because I chose to walk away from certain situations in my life that no longer served me. I'm nowhere near the person I was in high school. I've grown and matured into someone my future self will, hopefully, be proud of. High school me was close-minded and didn't really care as deeply for those around me as I claimed. I said and did things that 27 year old me would've yelled at 17 year old me for.
The one thing I can say is that I kept a good close circle of friends around me. And today I am still friends with most of them. But I look back and see growth. We're adults with ideas and thoughts that have been forced to change through life experiences. And I know that I no longer associate with a lot of the ideals I had in 2011.
But back to thing comparison complex situation. Like I said, it's a very toxic sate of mind to be in. My heart was telling me that I have everything I need to be in my current sitaution. But my head said that I didn't try hard enough to find the perfect job, perfect partner, and perfect friend group. I should have been keeping in touch with everyone I was friends with. When in reality, it's all a false sense of hope that I know are just my insecurities bringing me back to a time when I tried too hard to fit in everywhere and ended up miserable on the inside, but perky and bubbly on the outside. And seeing others "boo'ed up" got me thinking about how I should've just stopped being picky and settled for someone who probably was completely wrong for me and wouldn't benefit my personal development in these past 10 years.
Saying these things aloud confirms the fact that comparing yourself to others is a dangerous game to give into. Once you're in it, you have to struggle to get out. It's like no matter what you do, nothing will ever be enough. But then you take a step back and look at the amazing aspects in your life now. These things couldn't happen without change. And by comparing myself, I was condeming myself back into the shell of my shy, introverted, close-minded, terrible version of myself from 10+ years ago.
Today I can look at myself in the mirror and reflect on how much I've grown as a person. There is no comparison to being in your late-twenties and hanving a great support system, single or not, that was created for you to show you that you are more than a dumb photo in a yearbook that you're afraid to associate with.
I encourage you today to reflect on your transformation from your past until now. Destroy the comparion game and encourage others in their journey. I wish I could say I have stopped comparing my sitatuion, but the truth is that it's an ongoing battle that helps whenever you look back on the good areas in life. If you come across this issue in your own life, I encourage you to stop, take a deep breath, and think of everything you wouldn't have now if certain bad and good moments wouldn't have happed. You're smarter and stronger than you ever thought you could. Make today a day your future self would be proud of.
-Pay <3
