I wanna start this out by saying thank you to everyone who has reached out to my family and I! It's probably been one of the hardest things I've dealt with in my life. I'm not writing this to get sympathy, but to process my emotions and hopefully answer any questions about what happened. If you don't know what I'm talking about, my stepmom passed away a few days ago from an unknown brain infection/disease.
It all started back in July 2019, literally just a few months ago. Judy, my stepmom, was sent to St. Joseph Hospital because of this same thing. It started out as her losing her vision, but then her whole body started to shut down and she basically went into a coma state. She was there for 3 weeks. The first MRI showed some swelling on the brain, but not enough to cause this. And then, after pumping her with steroids, the swelling magically disappeared. So we thought it had gone away. At that time, the doctors said she might not make it. They had only seen the symptoms of her illness in textbooks, but nobody knew what it was.
So she went back to normal life after that. She couldn't work and had just started driving a little bit again. But her and my dad were living life per usually. That lasted about 6 months, and then things escalated in the blink of an eye.
It was a normal January morning. My dad and Judy were sitting in the living room drinking coffee and eating breakfast. She asked him to call her phone, and he found it in their bedroom. My dad got up and walked down the tiny hall to their bedroom, and he was gonna for about a minute or 2. When he came out he heard snoring. In a joking tone he said, "Is that you snoring, or the dogs?" No response. He walked down the hall and found her slumped over in the chair, snoring and unresponsive. Urgently, he tried to wake her and called 911.
At the hospital, she came out of it and remembered her name and everything. Nothing to worry about. But Harrodsburg Hospital said she had a seizure, so they transferred her to St. Joseph. St. Joseph ran tests and found no seizure, but ran an EEG to monitor her for seizures for a couple of days. Then, they ran an MRI. At this point, she was still talking. But as days went on, her speech went from murmurs to very slurred to nothing. They gave her IV's and a catheter. Then they put her on a feeding tube. She went from calm to extremely agitated to calm again to just sleeping all the time.
Still no results again, except a little swelling on the brain. Once again, nothing that should have caused her brain to basically shut down.
My dad stayed by her side through all of it, never leaving the hospital and sleeping in her room if he could. My brother, sister-in-law, and I came over everyday. My sister, nephew, grandparents, and a few family friends called and visited when they could. But we had hope she would miraculously come out of it again
They had moved her from a room to the CCU, and then saw some breathing issues, as well as her not being able to keep her eyes opened for more than a few seconds. She had no anesthesia, and her sleeping medicine was as low as could be. So they moved her to the ICU after they performed a brain biopsy.
After surgery, we went to see her and still had faith she was getting better. We all went home, and told my dad we'd see him in the morning. My niece and nephew had school the next day, and I had planned on trying to go back to work that next night. I was gone for about an hour and a half.
Things took a sharp turn then. Around 11:30pm, I had just closed my eyes, when I got a call from my grandma. She asked if my dad had called yet. He hadn't. In a shaky voice, she told me that Judy was being put on a ventilator and her heart rate was dropping drastically. Instantly, we both started sobbing. So I got off the phone, jumped out of bed, and put on clothes. My dad called crying and I told him I was heading out the door.
I got there, and was met by the chaplain. I saw my dad, squeezed him tightly, and he explained the situation, which was exactly what my grandma had said. I was shaking, crying, and having a full-blown panic attack. My dad told my siblings to stay home until he had more news. So we sat and cried until Judy's cousin, Jody, came and visited with us.
After a bit, they let us all go back and see her. Immediately, my knees gave out once I saw her on the ventilator. I could barely breathe from crying. It was the scariest thing I had seen. I tried to be strong for my dad, but I couldn't in that moment. We both hadn't ate or slept, and our stomachs churned.
We went back in the waiting room. I called my grandparents to come support us. I knew I wasn't strong enough alone. At that time, they had just taken sleeping pills and couldn't drive, but came a few hours later.
Time went on, and around 3:30 or 4:00am we both tried to close our eyes and wait while we waited for my grandparents. As soon as we did though, the chaplain came back and gave us the news that Judy's heart rate was going down even more again, and they were adding another machine. If that didn't work, they were going Code Blue and trying to resuscitate her. In the moment we said, "Whatever it takes to save her!" I called my brother and sister from my dad's phone and told them to come ASAP.
Not long after that, the chaplain comes back in, and my grandparents had arrived. Well, this time he said that instead of 2 commission machines, they were adding the 4th, which they normally only go up to 3. And my dad asked him if he was doing the right thing, but the chaplain told him she was basically brain dead and her body was run by the machines. That's when me and my dad knew we would be selfish to keep her on the machines, she wouldn't want that. But we promised to make the decision as a family. We called my siblings, who agreed. So it was decided that once the machines stopped working, don't try to bring her back.
After gathering up the strength to walk back in her room, my dad and I went and stayed until her final breath. My grandparents said goodbye, and went to the waiting room to give us space and wait for my siblings. With tears staining our faces, we told her it was okay to go home to Heaven and be with her parents and the others who had already gone. My dad told her he wanted to see her pretty blue eyes one more time, and she finally opened them! It was the confirmation needed to say goodbye. We watched as the monitor flat lined, and that was it.
After a few long minutes, we walked out and let them clean her up. At 5:04am, she had passed on. We waited for my siblings to get there, but my dad called them once his voice would let him. After almost 13 years of marriage, he lost his soulmate. My siblings lost their mom. I lost my second mom. My nieces and nephews lost their nana. But Heaven gained another beautiful angel.
That's how it happened. We STILL don't know what caused it, what it was, or why it came back. But it should be named after her. It's something I can't forget. She fought hard to overcome it. It was her time to go.
I can't say we're fine. I don't want your sympathy. But I want to be there for anyone going through this. I hope this inspires you to live everyday like it's your last and to take care of yourself. Hold those you love close. Don't take every moment for granted. And if you've lost someone close, I'm here to offer my condolences. You're not alone.
The most frequent questions we've gotten are: "How are you guys?" and "What can we do to help?" We're all heartbroken and devastated, but we're taking it day by day. And for help, just be there. Keeping everyone company and remembering the good times. That's what we need. And if you financially can donate, give to your local animal shelters. Judy LOVED animals, and we want the money to go to them to help every animal find a good home. But mostly, you can help by reaching out to my family. My dad is gonna need people around him as he transitions into life without Judy waking up next to him each morning. My brother and sister will need help living life without their mom. My niece and nephews will need help seeing how life will be without nana. And just connections are the most important thing.
Like I said, I'm not writing this for attention. This is how I process my feelings. But I also need a place to answer questions without falling apart from reliving the experience verbally. I think I might seriously have PTSD from being in the same room when she breathed her last breath. And I already don't process death well as it is. But this is my way of helping the grieving process. I've cried more than I thought I could. I'm having nightmares. I don't feel like eating much. But I think getting it all out is helping with that process.
It doesn't seem real. But it's life now. Thank you to EVERYONE who has reached out! Your support is more than you'll ever know to us! THANK YOU! ❤❤❤❤❤❤
Judy was an amazing human! Life won't be the same. But if you have any memories of her, feel free to share them. We love you Judy! Rest in peace! See you on the other side! ❤
